Tracy Prescott from Self Connection speaks with Steph about her life, and how Creatrix has helped her feel strong and confident.
As a Creatrix Transformologist®, Tracy Prescott helps women understand that the female brain processes information in completely different ways to male brains. She helps women let go of the past, break self-sabotage cycles, become self-aware, and feel empowered.
Hi Steph, thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today about your Creatrix breakthrough and experiences. I really appreciate it.
You’re very welcome. Thanks for having me, Tracy.
I just wanted to start by asking you, how was your life prior to you coming across or finding Creatrix?
I was this broken little shell of a person, I felt so fragile. I described myself as this little hollow egg that just had all the good stuff scooped out and thrown away. I would just break at the drop of a hat.
For example, if someone I trusted asked me if I was okay, I would just break down. When I was talking with close family or with my doctors. I felt like I was always on the verge of breaking down.
I was full of so much anxiety. I felt overwhelmed, pressured, and just trapped. I felt like I was drowning in emotion, like, all the negative emotions in my mind would never stop. I could never turn it off. My volume for my whole system was turned up and I was just running on heightened emotion constantly.
I could not switch off and I could never relax. I couldn’t sleep, I was a mess, and I had chronic pain as well. I had low self-worth and put so much expectation on myself. I was the biggest perfectionist and people pleaser. Yeah, that was me.
Wow! And how did that effect your relationships? How had that played out for you?
Well, I didn’t really have proper relationships because I pretended that I was okay. No one really saw under the surface.
I looked like this nice person that was happy and would do everything for everyone. I wanted to prove I was a good friend and a good worker and all that. So no one knew any of that unless it was my doctors or my husband who could see it.
But even then, there was only so much that I would actually share because I didn’t want to make my husband feel worse about not being able to make me happy. Not being able to help me out of that. So I didn’t really have proper friendships because I was just pretending to be a certain person. I wasn’t actually me.
This was really hard on my husband. I remember one day saying to him that I feel like whenever I’m in a situation like a birthday party. I feel like I’m watching it. Watching people laughing. Watching people be in the moment, but I’m not there.
I know I should be laughing or should be having fun. Or even if I’m pretending to laugh, that should be making me happy. But it’s not. And I don’t feel like I’m there. I don’t feel like I’m existing. I’m not existing, I’m watching myself, or something like that. And it’s hard.
And then I stopped talking to my husband about it because I just felt like I was sucking the joy out of life. Why does he want to be around me? Why is he sticking with me when I’m just this sad sack? Like, who wants that?
Wow, well, that would have been so hard! That sounds like it was a real struggle. A really difficult time.
It was awful to live that way. It’s awful to feel like that and say the words I’m okay, then cry myself to sleep and feel hopeless because I was trying to find what I needed to fix me.
I was seeing psychologists and I was doing counselling. I was doing Mind Body stuff trying to learn about neuroplasticity and how stress affects your body and sends pain signals. I was also trying to do mindfulness meditation, be in the moment, and journaling. None of it was helping me.
So it’s really hard getting to that point where you look around and you go, there’s nothing out there that’s going to fix this. It’s a really hard moment to go everything I know of can’t help me. I must be too broken.
Yeah, wow. So, how did you come across Creatrix then?
It’s a funny sort of story because I had met Marilyn Schirmer, who created the Institute of Women International Australia years prior when she was doing direct selling.
I was a teenager at the time, and I just remember listening to her. We sold skincare but Maz was at our meetings every week talking about the core of a woman, and how women think and feel differently to men. You could tell that she was into it really early on and I just loved how she made me feel.
Years later, we must have still been friends on Facebook, and Maz was looking for someone to do some video editing. The videos showed the before and after transformation of women she was helping.
I had no idea what this was at all. When Maz sent the footage through, I was watching these women that were pouring their hearts out and you could see that they were so broken. They were carrying so much pain and they were talking about how hard things were, and how awful they felt.
I then saw the footage of the same women and that spark was back in their eyes. Their hearts, you could tell, were just full of joy. I remember one woman was smiling and she was happy, free, and light.
You could see all that stuff she had been talking about was just gone. And I remember, I just had to edit these before and after videos and I was just like, what is this? What’s happening in the middle here between these two clips? Like what? How?
In the before videos, these women looked like how I felt. Every woman in the before videos, every single thing they were saying, I would describe myself as having. Every single negative emotion you could have other than anger.
I was cut off from anger because I believed it was disgusting. I had experienced in my past that anyone who was angry, things got really bad. But I felt every other negative feeling, I had it all, everything.
So every single woman was talking about negative emotions. And I was like, this is how I feel! All of it. Everything, every single thing I feel. And then I just remember saying to my husband, I think I need that. And that it will help me.
I mean I don’t know; I don’t know anything at all about what it is. And he was like if you think it will help you do it! So I reached out to Maz – What is this? Can I please do it?
I only thought that I was feeling terrible because I had chronic pain. I didn’t realise I was a massive people pleaser. And I had all this low self worth and self esteem. I thought my pain was causing me to feel like rubbish. And Maz told me “I can’t guarantee to get rid of the physical pain. I can only guarantee to fix emotional issues”.
And I was like, you can guarantee to fix emotional issues?! Are you serious?! Is that actually a thing?! And she said, “Yeah, but if it’s coming from physical issues, I can’t change the pain”.
And I was like, if you can fix my emotional issues, that’s half my life. You know, it was like, I feel so crap, and I have chronic pain 50/50. You are going to take 50% away and that will be great. So she said, Alright, let’s do it. And then I needed two sessions, and my life was changed.
Even though my life looked exactly the same, I felt like I was just plopped down into a whole new body and a whole new mind. And I could see through new eyes who I was, the opportunities I had, and the way I could live.
That I could live how I wanted to live. I didn’t have to worry about what other people expected me to be and I could say what I wanted to say. I didn’t have to worry about judgement or fear. I didn’t have to have anxiety. I didn’t. I could be calm; I could be in the moment, and I could enjoy myself. It’s like my anxiety and depression and all that just disappeared. It was just incredible.
I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like for you, you know, two sessions and you’re completely different. You’re living a different life.
Yeah, I remember feeling confused because I was like, I don’t know what just happened. I don’t understand it.
Everything else I tried just felt like so much work. I would go back the next week to my counsellors and other stuff I was doing, and I felt like I had to say that to them that I felt a bit better. But I didn’t feel better.
And so to have the Creatrix breakthrough straightaway, I felt this must be some sort of trickery. Because nothing else does that! That’s not how it works. I thought you had to work a long time to feel better. I thought healing takes forever, and you have to keep doing the work.
It was the opposite with Creatrix. It was the complete opposite of everything else I had tried.
And so did the people around you notice the change as well?
At the time no one really knew, besides my husband, because I was good at acting.
I was going through a pain clinic at the same time, and I remember that I felt so hopeless there. Halfway through my Creatrix program I answered a pain clinic survey asking how I was feeling. If I had been given that survey the week prior, it would have been doom and gloom because I didn’t feel positivity in my life. I felt like a failure. I felt disempowered.
But the week I answered the pain clinic survey I felt like I had nothing wrong. And I remember thinking, should I lie? Because it’s not a reflection on the pain clinic, that wasn’t what fixed me.
But I felt so much better, and it was great for me to notice that because the pain clinic had made me feel worse, and they hadn’t given me any solutions. Their advice to me was “this is what’s happening to you, and you have to live with it”.
When I filled in that pain survey, I remember feeling like I didn’t even need to feel hope because I was already out of it. I felt wow! life was different. It just was. So that was really cool.
Speaking with you now I have just remembered how that actually happened. It just proves to you how much your mind can change around something because I had lost hope before it could be fixed, but then with Creatrix it was fixed. It just was.
So how has Creatrix changed your life? How does your life look for you now, after your breakthrough?
I used to live thinking that I had to do and live a certain way, be a certain person. And I had a lot of pressure about having children.
I would also put pressure on myself about having a good career and creating a secure situation. Money security was really important to me. So was doing the right thing, like getting married, having kids, staying in the same job for a period of time, staying in the same place.
We lived in an area we didn’t love just because our parents lived there. Just very small thinking. No big thinking of what you can achieve and how you can live and what you want to do.
Everyone else’s expectations were really making me live a life that was limiting me because I didn’t know what I wanted. Whereas, once I did Creatrix those expectations were gone. And then I had self-worth. And I didn’t care what anyone said about me doing the things that I wanted to do then.
My husband and I quit our jobs after that. We travelled around Australia for 12 months, and we started a YouTube channel, and met all these people as we travelled.
We ended up living on the other side of Australia for a couple of years. I also started my business which there’s no way I ever would have done. This all happened because I now believe in myself.
Before Creatrix I felt like I had to live small and do what other people told me to do. I didn’t even think for myself. I remember just wishing someone would tell me how to live life and be an adult. I was wishing away my whole power. That’s so disempowering.
But my life is completely changed now. It’s the complete opposite. And I dyed my hair pink! I always used to look at people with coloured hair, and though I wouldn’t admit it to myself, I would judge them. I’d be like, look at them, you know. But this was because I would be judging myself.
At that time I was thinking that I couldn’t be a professional and have different coloured hair. I thought it was trashy to have coloured hair, that I wouldn’t be a good member of society, or that people would think that I wouldn’t know what I was talking about.
These are stupid things that have nothing to do with your hair colour. However, other people’s perception was so important, and judgement was so important to me, because it affected me so much. But I was judging myself and then I wouldn’t allow myself to do things.
And now I don’t care. I’ve had so many people saying; I wish I could do that. I wish I had the confidence or I’m too old. And it’s like, no! You can do it! Go do it! Your life is too short to hold yourself back from anything that you want to do.
Dyeing my hair now is a reflection of just how far I’ve come. It seems so silly but old Steph, there’s no way she would have ever done that.
Kind of like giving the finger to your old image!
Exactly, exactly. And anyone that has a problem with that. That’s their problem. That’s a them problem. Not a me problem.
Yes, totally! 100%. So cool. What would you say to other women out there that might be feeling how you used to feel, you know, looking for that thing to help them?
What would you say to them about Creatrix and your journey?
Creatrix helps women. You don’t have to keep looking. You don’t ever have to keep working on yourself. It’s the thing you’re looking for, because it’s made for us as women and how we are designed.
Another thing that was really hard for me when I was trying to find help was sharing my story. I would share my story and then I would have to share it again with somebody else, you know, because people wouldn’t always continue their program. Or I would have to see a different doctor at a different time.
I ended up feeling like I was telling my story again and again and again. And every time I did, I would just break down. I would be bawling my eyes out. It would tear me apart because I felt like I was failing.
And then when I told my story, it was me reminding myself of that failure over and over again. And I just really think it’s amazing that this process can help you to heal where you don’t have to tell your story to heal. But then you are able to fix the issues and look back and go wow, I see her, I know how it felt to be her.
But man, that’s not me anymore. And I’m so proud of myself. Because you get to do it for yourself. You help yourself and that feeling is just amazing. So it’s just about finding someone that you trust. And that is trained to do what you’re wanting.
Women who come to you Tracy, they don’t have to know why they feel the way they feel as long as they know that you’re the one that can help them. They just need to know you know how they feel and that you’ve got them. And I feel like that’s really unique and it’s very special.
The other amazing thing with Creatrix for me personally is that you’re not just given hope. Someone’s got your back. They’re not going to tell you that they can help you and then drop the ball.
Before I started Creatrix I felt like I was giving away hope. I was putting hope in other people’s hands, and they would then continually drop that ball. But I feel like with Creatrix you’re not going to be told that you can be helped if they can’t help you.
That hope is treasured and it is held the entire time, you feel safe, and the results and the outcome guarantee that.
Yes, absolutely. It’s treasured, that trust, isn’t it?
Yeah, it’s a beautiful feeling. And I think a lot of the time when we’re seeking help, the people we’re seeking help from don’t see just how hard that is to do, especially when you are asked to repeat your story over and over again.
Yes, that’s right. They forget that this is not your first time having to tell this story.
And I don’t think that the appreciation is there for just how deeply it affects you having to relive your trauma and be that vulnerable, so many times over, to no avail. In the end it can really be a bit soul destroying.
Absolutely, there’s so much pain that’s wrapped up in giving someone your trust and hope. At first you are told they can help you and then they are not able to do that.
And then having to repeat my story again and again. You lose your ability to trust. You lose hope and start to think “I must be a hopeless helpless case of a human being”.
Well, all I can say to you Steph is well done. Kudos to you for keeping going even though it was so trying for you.
And I say that to all the women out there that are feeling the same way that your desire to change is powerful. It’s a big deal to know somewhere within yourself that things can be different and to keep looking through all the setbacks!
Kudos to the women who are saying to themselves “I’m going to keep looking, keep searching because I don’t accept this is all there is”.
Thank you so much. I remember when the psychologist said to me that I would have to accept this. I disagreed, and I think that just shows that I’m just a bit stubborn!
There’s nothing wrong with that. Look, where it’s gotten you!
We have to be there for ourselves and say “Well, these things aren’t working. So there must be something better out there”.
Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for your time today, Steph. I really appreciate it. And thank you for your beautiful words.
Thanks for having me.